Lustige, Englische Nicks

April 14th, 2009 | Tags: , , , ,

People who make hand-kisses are freaking lazy!
On your knees! I am online
(name) connecting people…
Wait a minute… I am bringing an offer to the toilet gods
What does really suck? A giraffe with pain in his neck
Don’t run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!
Hi! My name’s Nobody. Nobody is perfect.
La La Li La – Can’t hear you – La Li La La
You don’t have to be the best, be better than the rest!
I can do it, I can let it be but I get it done!
It’s brown and it doesn’t weight much… lightbrown!
Did you just grab my ass?
Select my name and press ALT + F4
Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
This guy/girl needs a tutorial
A selfish person is someone who doesn’t think about me
Does people working at Pickwick ever get a coffeebreak?
Who farted!?
Here I am! What were your other 2 wishes?
It’s green and it’s peaks behind a corner… a spionach!
Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend
Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one
You know it’s always business doing pleasure with you
If you throw rice at weddings, will asian people throw hotdogs?
I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
When I’m good, I’m really good, but when I’m bad I’m better
I’m not smiling at you, I’m trying not to laugh!
24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case … coincidence? I think not…
I’m fat, but your ugly. I can diet
English! Who needs that? I’m never going to England!
You may laugh because I’m different but I laugh because you’re all the same
If at first you dont succeed skydiving isnt for you
Take a break like it is a sort of screen saver!
I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i’LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!
I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)
Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters
For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!
I’m cool, I’m hot….I’m everything you’re not
You and the bank own a very lovely home
I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
You don’t buy the drink here, you only rent it
All racists who are prepared to die for their country, why not now?
Drinking is the answer, I don’t remember the question
Superman is a travestite
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Booze is the answer. I don’t remember the question
Lower the age of puberty!
God bless Atheism
I drink to make other people interesting
My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex
An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
A miserable person is one who truly enjoys a fart but can’t
Anarchists of the world, unite!
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Don’t be open-minded, your brains might fall out
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss
On the other hand, you have different fingers
Who laughs last, thinks the slowest
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good
I’m a mistake – legalize abortion!
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it
That money talks I don’t deny… I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!
Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids
I’m not a follower… I’m a leader with the same idea
This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part
First law of science: don’t spit into the wind
I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Even hot girls have to fart
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it
Do you got with me get lost? I know the way
It was a brave man who ate the first oyster
There are three types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can’t
Sure, there’s no “I” in team, but there is an “M” and an “E”
If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks
Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
I don’t hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by
Whoever said nothing’s impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away
A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
Who’s cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have a “s” in it?
Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?
I’m not a dumb blonde! I’m knot! I’m knot! I’m knot!
I don’t know if I’m a player. Ask one of my girlfriends
Virginity is like a bubble… One tiny prick and it’s gone
If guys had their period, they’d probably brag about the size of our tampons
Fat people are harder to kidnap
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to catch you
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten
I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture
We don’t have a town drunk. We all share the responsibilty
Passwords are like underwear: change them often
Next time wave all your fingers at me!
When it comes to baldness, it’s not about losing more hair, it’s about getting more head
The height of laziness is a man is shitting on the beach and waiting for the tide
What do they call Bush his zipper? The “U.S. Open
Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 1823
Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “no hard feelings”
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls
Everyone likes a little ass, but no one likes a smart ass
I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says mooooo
The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
Earth first. We’ll screw up the other planets later
Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries and a DIET COKE
Oh man this is crazy, I hope I didn’t brain my damage
Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas
If you dont like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk
Be a Minimalist. It’s the least you can do
After working here, I now realize that “Dilbert” is not a comic strip. It’s a documentary
She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon
Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass
I never appoligize! I’m sorry, that’s just not the way I am
Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest
Stupid statistics cost american companies 30 zillion dollars each year
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics
Ass, Grass, or Gas: everybody’s gotta pay
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man
They speak of my drinking but they never consider my thirst
We’d better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms
I don’t like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times
Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
I’m moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes…
I invented the cordless extension cord
I can’t come tonight, my tires got dizzy…
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife
You’re unique, just like everyone else….
Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Save a mouse, eat a pussy
Keep Earth clean, it’s not Ur-anus
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns
Don’t do it behind the garden gate love is blind but the neighbours ain’t!
When you judge others you dont define them you define yourself.. :-)
The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?
You’re looking at perfection, and it ain’t you!
Do blind eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Never wish on 1 star more than 1nce cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!
I know that you know that I know that you think I’m the best, that’s why you never tell me
We both know I’m the best, that’s why you never tell me
Women/Men are proof that women/men can take a joke
As long as my boss pretends that I’m earning much, I’m pretending that I work hard
An answer to that nagging question…………… I let the dogs out!
What do an Icebear have after swimming? Snowballs!

Suchbegriffe:

Kommentar abgeben | Trackback
  1. Melva Amacker
    Mai 27th, 2011 at 18:30
    Antworten | Zitieren | #1

    This is a truly beneficial go through for me, Must admit that you’re 1 of the very best bloggers I ever noticed.Thanks for posting this informative post.